T.A.P. into the Possibilities

Believe that the possibility exists and then make extraordinary things happen.

Tag Archives: back to school


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Shaken But Not Broken

She hardly looked at me as she jumped into my car, slammed the door and said sharply, Go straight!” It took her one breath to tell me that as she kept talking on her phone. When I looked into the rear view mirror at her face, I instantly felt a sense of sadness. She was a beautiful girl, probably in her first year at UCLA. She had on brightly colored shorts and a summertime top with wavy blonde hair tossed carelessly over her shoulders. The weather was warm with a cool breeze and the campus was alive with people hurrying to get to their destinations.

I did not listen to her conversation, but the person on the other end of her conversation could not have been talking much as she rattled off a series of fast sentences drenched in a restrained panic. She paused long enough to bark another order, “Turn left here!” I continued to drive and I felt sorry for this young stranger. I wanted to tell her that it was going to be alright. I kept silent. The desire to tell her grew stronger and I dismissed it because she was on the phone talking, non-stop. When she released the call, I looked in the mirror at her face which looked like she had received the worst news. Her blue eyes probably sparkled when she smiled, but at this moment, they were sad…worried, and she looked out the window not seeing all the beauty that the day was dangling in front of her. Her voice softened as she said, “I am sorry, take a right here, please.” She must have suddenly become aware of the tone she was using to speak to me.

At the stop sign, I called her by name, “Amanda…” She did not hear me, too deep in the thoughts that had blinded her to her actions. She was on emotional auto-pilot. Again, I softly called her name, “Amanda…” When she looked at me, I looked her straight in her eyes and said, “It is going to be alright.” Our glance was constant as if, over her first response to doubt me, she was trying to see if I was telling the truth. I was not prepared for what happened next because her eyes instantly welled up with tears that rolled down her cheeks like they had been waiting for permission to fall. I clumsily grabbed a box of Kleenex from under my center dash and handed the box to her. She pulled several tissues out of the box and lowered her face into the soft pillow she had created in her hands. As soon as she dried her face, more tears fell and she told me that all of her classes had been dropped and she was devastated. It was her first year at UCLA and now she had to maneuver through life’s obstacles without the immediate cloak of directional protection from her mom and dad who usually stepped in to smooth things out for her.

She was going to the class to plead with the instructor to add her into the class. I told her that it was all going to work out for her, but that she had to believe that. I told her she was given this obstacle to make her stronger, even if it seemed unfair. “You will understand this challenge later, but for now. Go to the class and calmly talk to the professor. I graduated from here in 2012 and I can tell you that instructors add you when they say they are not adding anymore students and they make a way for you when you are sure they will not, but you have to ask them. If you have the time, splash some cold water on your face before you go to class. You are going to be fine, Amanda. Try not to worry too much.” She smiled at me and it was like the sun pushed past stormy clouds to change the look of the day. Her face changed, “Thank you so much, Teresa, you can just let me out at the corner,” she said in a tone that suggested she thought she had taken too much of my time. I smiled and took her right up to the building’s entrance. She thanked me again through a vulnerable smile as she hopped out of my car and ran up the stairs. I hope she remembers what I told her. She is going to be alright.


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To Remain Undaunted

I thought when I arrived at this point in my life, things would be different for me. The truth is, it is different, but not in the ways that I had imagined. You see, I just graduated from college at the age of 52. I had started thinking about my life in 2005 and realized that time was really passing fast. I decided that if time was going to go by so quickly that I should have something positive to show for it. So, I quit my job of 15 years and decided to take advantage of upward mobility at new job and go back to school after 26 years. I didn’t give it a great deal of thought because I would have talked myself out of it, but it seemed like a good idea so I went with it.

I found myself sitting in a classroom at Santa Monica college, exhausted from working 40+hours a week and saying to myself, “What in the hell were you thinking?” I was snapped out of my growing self-pity by the sound of the Professor’s voice and then I remembered what I had been thinking. I had been thinking that I wanted to have something to show for my life and that I wanted to earn my A.A. and then transfer to UCLA for my B.A. I was thinking that my brother had done everything right in his life; participating in sports, getting good grades and going to two prestigious colleges only to die of colon cancer at the age of 24 while he was studying law at Boston College. His friends would roll him to class in a wheelchair and he would struggle against daunting odds to continue his education. How could I feel exhausted? I was being a big baby, that was what I was thinking. Did I think it was going to be easy? Well, I hadn’t really thought about the easy or the hard of it, I just jumped into the challenge. Sometimes that is good strategy and I was hoping this would be one of those times.

I studied hard in school and I struggled when it felt like I was more sad than happy. It was during those times that I had to try three times harder just to maintain my grades. When I was feeling down, I hung on for that little piece of me that was assuring me that I could do it and that I was going to feel better. The little voice was shouting at me, but all I could hear was a whisper, but I kept on listening anyway. As long as I could hear even a whisper of encouragement, I could keep on going.

Now, after seven years on the best academic journey of my life, I am starting a new journey…law school. I am excited and a little scared, but I know that pushing forward is the only option I have unless I give up and THAT is not an option. I realize that I am an nontraditional student and I am accomplishing things using a different timeline than most, but that is what makes everything so special.

I am a big believer in paying it forward so as I move along, I help others like the time I heard a young guy on campus talking to his friend. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing, but I overheard what he was doing in his life and the confusion in his voice and knew he just needed some encouragement. When I finished eating, I went over to his table and said, “Excuse me, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard what you were saying and I just wanted to tell you two things: I am proud of you and keep going because you are on the right path.” He smiled at me and said, “Thanks.” I could see in his face that he was grateful for the validation. As I walked away, I heard his friend ask him, “Do you know her?” to which he answered “No.” His friend then said, “That’s pretty cool, though.” And he said “Yea, huh.”

Just think how great it would be if we all took the chance to do something like that for others and even for ourselves. When I need encouragement, it comes to me unexpectedly from places I least expect it and I am always grateful. Take for instance, this blog. It is helping me too express my ideas and give me a sense of peace at the same time. I can’t ask for more than that, but I will.