I thought when I arrived at this point in my life, things would be different for me. The truth is, it is different, but not in the ways that I had imagined. You see, I just graduated from college at the age of 52. I had started thinking about my life in 2005 and realized that time was really passing fast. I decided that if time was going to go by so quickly that I should have something positive to show for it. So, I quit my job of 15 years and decided to take advantage of upward mobility at new job and go back to school after 26 years. I didn’t give it a great deal of thought because I would have talked myself out of it, but it seemed like a good idea so I went with it.

I found myself sitting in a classroom at Santa Monica college, exhausted from working 40+hours a week and saying to myself, “What in the hell were you thinking?” I was snapped out of my growing self-pity by the sound of the Professor’s voice and then I remembered what I had been thinking. I had been thinking that I wanted to have something to show for my life and that I wanted to earn my A.A. and then transfer to UCLA for my B.A. I was thinking that my brother had done everything right in his life; participating in sports, getting good grades and going to two prestigious colleges only to die of colon cancer at the age of 24 while he was studying law at Boston College. His friends would roll him to class in a wheelchair and he would struggle against daunting odds to continue his education. How could I feel exhausted? I was being a big baby, that was what I was thinking. Did I think it was going to be easy? Well, I hadn’t really thought about the easy or the hard of it, I just jumped into the challenge. Sometimes that is good strategy and I was hoping this would be one of those times.

I studied hard in school and I struggled when it felt like I was more sad than happy. It was during those times that I had to try three times harder just to maintain my grades. When I was feeling down, I hung on for that little piece of me that was assuring me that I could do it and that I was going to feel better. The little voice was shouting at me, but all I could hear was a whisper, but I kept on listening anyway. As long as I could hear even a whisper of encouragement, I could keep on going.

Now, after seven years on the best academic journey of my life, I am starting a new journey…law school. I am excited and a little scared, but I know that pushing forward is the only option I have unless I give up and THAT is not an option. I realize that I am an nontraditional student and I am accomplishing things using a different timeline than most, but that is what makes everything so special.

I am a big believer in paying it forward so as I move along, I help others like the time I heard a young guy on campus talking to his friend. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing, but I overheard what he was doing in his life and the confusion in his voice and knew he just needed some encouragement. When I finished eating, I went over to his table and said, “Excuse me, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard what you were saying and I just wanted to tell you two things: I am proud of you and keep going because you are on the right path.” He smiled at me and said, “Thanks.” I could see in his face that he was grateful for the validation. As I walked away, I heard his friend ask him, “Do you know her?” to which he answered “No.” His friend then said, “That’s pretty cool, though.” And he said “Yea, huh.”

Just think how great it would be if we all took the chance to do something like that for others and even for ourselves. When I need encouragement, it comes to me unexpectedly from places I least expect it and I am always grateful. Take for instance, this blog. It is helping me too express my ideas and give me a sense of peace at the same time. I can’t ask for more than that, but I will.